I have a pretty eclectic taste in music. People are usually shocked when they go through my Ipod. I’m not sure what rock I was under when I missed the last album Seether released. I heard Breakdown no the radio, and it really resonated with me. I have been listening to them all this week. Some of the songs contain a lot of screaming, and I’m not too fond of those. Here’s my favs on the album.

Ironically the album is called Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces.

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Breakdown

The sun is gone and the flowers rot
Words are spaces between us
And I should’ve been drown in the rivers I’ve found of token lost
And I should’ve been down when you made me insecure

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
’cause I’m so much more than meets the eye

And I’m the one you can never trust
’cause wounds are ways to reveal us
And yeah I could have tried and devoted my life to both of us
But what a waste of my time when the world we have is yours

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
’cause I’m so much more than all your lies

Hate me, break me down
So break me down
So break me down
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
’cause I’m so much more than meets the eye

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Rise Above This

Take the light, and darken everything around me
call the clouds and listen closely, I’m lost without you
Call your name every day when i feel so helpless
I’m fallin’ down but I’ll rise above this, rise above this

Hate the mind, regrets are better left unspoken
For all we know, this void will grow and
Everything’s in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open
Feels so right, but I’ll end this all before it gets me

Call your name every day, when i feel so helpless
I’m fallin’ down, but I’ll rise above this, rise above this
Call your name every day, when i seem so helpless
I’m fallin’ down, but I’ll rise above this, rise above this doubt

I’ll mend myself before it gets me
(I’ll mend myself before it gets me)
I’ll mend myself before it gets me
(I’ll mend myself before it gets me)

Call your name every day, when i feel so helpless
I’m fallin’ down, but I’ll rise above this, rise above this
Call your name every day, when i seem so helpless
I’m fallin’ down, but I’ll rise above this, rise above this
Forty eight ways to say that I’m feelin’ helpless
Fallin’ down, fallin down’, but I’ll rise above this, rise above this

Week Three is up.

1-19-09

Sometimes a shirt can really capture how you are feeling. The “f” shirt magically found its way back to Ryan this Christmas. I thought I had successfully gotten rid of it.

1-20-09

A day history was made.  I was subbing for Jenn at Vega.

1-21-09

Ryan got the flu. He was a very sick boy!

1-22-09

The daily grind. The desk in the middle belongs to my boss, the one one the left is mine, and the desk on the right is Sharon’s. It’s a tight fit.

1-23-09

She did this to her tag while it was on her. It’s kind of like a human trying to bite their own ear. She now has a princess pink tag.

1-24-09

Believe it or not, we actually embarrassed Jonathan at dinner tonight. This night will go down in infamy.

1-25-09

On the 23rd, my Papa turned 71. We celebrated over dinner at Outback.

One year ago yesterday, Jack passed away. We have been so blessed to add Charlie and Isabelle to our lives since his passing. I still have an ache in my heart for him though, but now I remember the fond memories and the way he used to act. Isabelle is just as sweet (actually she’s sweeter) as he was, and that is comforting. Thank you so much to the friends that were there the last 24 hours of his life, and those that prayed and supported Ryan and I after.

Here’s my original post and comments:

Last Saturday, we celebrated Jonathan’s 25th birthday (he’s the baby of the crew). We had hoped to visit the King Tut exhibit that is up in Dallas, but they sold out before we could get tickets. We decided on The Dallas World Aquarium instead.

Don’t let the word aquarium fool you. They have just as many animals as fish. I actually think they may have more animals than the Dallas Zoo. The greatest part about this place is that it is in the middle of downtown and all the high rise buildings. When you first walk in, it is like stepping into a rainforest.

Here’s Nikhil and Faith. You can really tell that Nikhil is missing his daughter in India!

One of the highlights of the visit was watching the keepers feed rats to the anacondas. I have pictures, but I will not post them for the squeamish. After the feeding was done Faith ran to Jonathan and said, “That was Awesome!” The boys are really going to love her a few years from now! I’ll start praying for you now Jenn and Jon.

I think these are some of the prettiest animals on the Earth. Deadly, but pretty.

It took a few tries, but Ryan was able to get this picture of Jonathan “eating a jellyfish”. Faith was also in the mood for being in pictures. Caitlyn, not so much.

This octopus was really putting on a show for us. I have never seen one so clearly before. They usually are just hiding the in corner of their tank. This guy kept swimming back and forth across the window. The girls were arguing over counting his legs, and Jonathan said, “Quit fighting over counting.” Oh, the sentences you would have never thought would have come out of your mouth.

Aren’t they a cute couple and family? I just love them!

After the aquarium, we had some time to kill before dinner. What better place to go than Sprinkles. Oh, their cupcakes are divine. Red velvet is my fav, but the chai is pretty good too. Even thought the signs says Beverly Hills, we were at the Dallas location (explanation provided for the anal out there, you know who you are).

Our final stop for the evening was Pappasito’s. It’s our favorite restaurant, and they are notorious for embarrassing people on their birthday. Jenn told the waiter to embarrass Jonathan as much as possible. So when the moment came, they told Jonathan to pretend that we had just given him a pony for his birthday (it really was a broom). Then they told him to ride around the restaurant and give his new pony a test ride.

He was so funny. At the end of the birthday song Jonathan screamed to the whole restaurant, “Free water for everyone!” There is no embarassing him. I feel so blessed to  have him in my life. He makes you forget your troubles and smile.  Love you Jonathan!

Ryan has the flu, and I’m hoping I do not get it too! Neither of us have ever had the flu since we have been together. Next year we will be getting the flu shot for sure.

The flu is just the cherry on top of what has been some of the most agonizing weeks of my life. I did not get the teaching job, and I did not get to take my test on Saturday (I’m not even going to get into the reasons of how that happened).

My home is in a state of turmoil, and I feel very uncomfortable being there. I’m not going to go into the details because that would be unfair to everyone involved. Just  know that my heart aches, there have been many tears shed, relationships are broken, my trust will never be the same, and I need your prayers.

This song really gave me hope this morning, and has been my favorite worship song for a while now. I sang loud as tears streamed down my face during the final verse.

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In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when striving cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

I know I’m a little late, but I’m just now getting around to sharing my resolutions. Here the are in no particular order

1. Quit drinking coke – I became addicted to Coke when I was teaching this past September. I would get one out of the vending machine everyday, and man did my body start to crave it. I have switched to Coke Zero and only have one a day, if that.
2. Learn to crochet – I want to make all kinds of cute stuffed animals and scarves.
3. Spend time with God everyday
4. Get caught up on scrapbooking – I am so incredibly behind. At this rate, I’ll never get done.
5. Blog more – I really enjoy blogging, but when life gets busy it is the first thing I tend to let slack.
6. Project 365 – I’ve talked about this before, and I’m really enjoying all of the glimpses of my life.
7. Read more – I have a huge pile of books just waiting for me to read.
8. Find a better job – Anyone who knows me needs no explanation there!
9. Start a Life Group – We are looking forward to now being able to open our home to church members for small group.
10. Get my body baby ready – That’s right. The O’Toole house will hopefully have a baby in 2010. I have been working really hard to get healthy. Two weeks into my diet and exercise, I have lost 6 pounds.

It’s up on my Project 365 page.

1-12-09

I started this book for my brother for his graduation, which happened last May. I will get this project done! Love you Nick!

1-13-09

I had an interview here for a kindergarten teaching position.

1-14-09

Ryan brought me the sweetest card today from Liz. She was trying to make  a heart near my name on the envelope. She didn’t leave room for the tops of the heart, so she said, “Well, that’s just going to be a jewel then.” Can you believe her? What a sweetheart, and we will definately have a sleepover soon!

1-15-09

We had dinner with Josh, Ashley, Jenn, Jonathan, and the girls. It was just like old times. We laughed a lot!

1-16-09

I spend some time here at least three times a week.

1-17-09

Happy Birthday Jonathan! We had a fun day that started at the Dallas World Aquarium. Then we stopped by Sprinkles for cupcakes. We ended the night with dinner at Pappasitos (our favorite place).

1-18-09

I went to a scrapbook convention with Jenn, Mama J, and the girls. Unfortunately most of the stuff they had were stamps. Faith’s favorite part was when she got a balloon. Just look at those hands on her hips. Can we say ATTITUDE?

First, I wanted to let everyone know that I did not get that teaching position I mentioned a few weeks ago.  I didn’t even get an interview (so much for connections and networking).

I did however have an interview yesterday for a kindergarten position in Melissa ISD. I think it went well, but it is so hard to tell with teachers and principals. They are naturally nice people. She did ask if all my paperwork was turned into the central office, and she made copies of my references. She must at least be interested in me. Keep your fingers crossed!

I also am taking the ESL supplemental test this Saturday at noon. This material is really tough, and I haven’t been able to study very well at home these days. I’m hoping my head will retain enough for me to do a good job. We’ll see. Luckily I should get the test results back within a few weeks. This will hopefully help me get a teaching position.